Differentiation among Children

 written by: Mir Aqa Etibar

Children are dear to their parents, even when it comes to cuddling or buying clothes and other materials to them. Parents try to consider justice among all children in the family and behave in such a way that none of them would imagine that which one of them like their parents the most but some families differentiate among their children and cause some problems.

AEPO’s writer/producer has talked to some people about this issue.

A girl, Ayesha says, “Once my brother broke a glass. My parents did not tell him anything and they treated him very friendly and when one day I broke a plate, my mother and father scolded me and asked me why I do not pay attention. When I saw the different attitudes of my parents, I became very sad and cried.”

Zmarai says, “I am the father of 3 children but I love my small child more than others. When I fondle him, my daughter gets angry, sits aside and she does not want talk to anyone.”

A psychologist, Professor Karima Dariz talks about the disadvantages of differentiation among children, “Children who are aware of their parents' dual loving behavior are anxious to live with their family members and parents, and this anxiety causes them to think about that why their parents do not value them. When love is not seen by the parents, it misguides them, the distance between parents and the children arises, and it harms the progress of their life and education. When the children are deprived of love, they grow up with the same deprivation.”

What do people think about the causes of this issue?

Muhammad Inam, a resident of Qarabagh district, Kabul province says, “Elders of most families love small child more than the others and the same is to the parents and they also love their small child.”

Murtaza says, “Parents like those children who are obedient, and not cause headache for the family. As in a family, several boys, and girls live with different behaviors and that is why parents differentiate among them.”

Professor Dariz says, “The main reason is the problems of life that have plagued parents these days. Fathers are busy with jobs outside the houses and mothers are busy with household chores. They could only show love to the small child and this is why many children in the family think that their mother or father loves them less than others and some parents think that a child who has grown up does not need love anymore.”

How could people find a solution to this issue?

Muhammad Inam says, “When my father caresses my little brother, he expresses love in the same way to us too. If he pays pocket money to my small brother, he pays my learning course fees and has bought me a mobile phone. I think there are no differences between us.”

In the Islamic religion, the rights of humanity are clear, even since a child is in the mother's womb, the husband should prepare good foods for his wife to grow her baby normally. The good behavior between husband and wife has a positive effect on the psyche of their children. Our prophet (PBUH) says in a Hadith, “anyone who has not compassion on the children and does not respect the elders is not from my nation).