Offended Parents Raise Offended Children

Written by: Mir Aqa Etibar

Family is the first-ever school for children where they make their personality. All habits and actions of each family member, directly and indirectly, affect the children. Parents always want to properly raise their children, but still, we witness children doing wrong actions. What problems will such children cause to family and community?

AEPO’s writer/producer has talked to some people about this issue.

 A girl who does not want to mention her name says"We suffer street harassment; it makes it hard to concentrate on lessons in school. On way to school, boys are smoking and standing on street sides, we feel fear to pass because they will say bad words to us. I cannot tell my father or brothers about this problem; I feel fear, they may fight or prevent me from going to school."

A boy who had stolen bicycles says: "My friends, they asked me to bring the bicycle for them, they sold the bicycles. One day, I got captured while stealing the bicycle and now I suffer a lot, I am far away from my family and my mother, she does not love me anymore." 

A boy from the detention center: "It has been 2 months that I am here; on the way to school, we fought with other students. As a result of the fight we injured each other by knife, I was captured for I had injured that guy and for carrying pistol."

A psychologist professor Munir Nisar talks about this issue:   "Offended children, first of all, they destroy their own life through doing wrong actions like murder, theft and so on. They lose their trust among family and relatives and in the community, people will call them bad names. If they do not stop, in the end they will be in the detention center, in hospital and may lose their lives."

 What do people think about the causes that lead children to do such actions?

Sara from Laghman province says"One of our relatives was a thief and his children are doing the same action. Their mother tries to stop them, but all her efforts are useless."

Spozhmai from Jalalabad saysShaqayeq: "Parents are the best model for children and they do imitate their parents' behaviors."

How do offended parents affect their children?

 "According to psychologists, mostly children acquire and learn things from the environment intentionally or unintentionally especially they mimic their parents' behaviors as the time comes. Most families do not take the mentioned point seriously and are careless to properly raise their children."

How parents, villagers, and friends stop such teenagers from wrongdoings?

 Haji Farid Dargai, chief of Qarabagh district council, Kabul province says: "In the weakly session of the council where the head of the 85 villages from Qarabagh district takes part, we have many times talked about fathers who are doing the wrong action and that caused their children not to take seriously with their lessons. In the council, I asked the head of those villages to identify those children so that the council supports them with their stationery and clothing."

He also mentions about a memory of his teaching career:"One of my students was late, I asked the reason and found that he goes gambling and his father was a gambler too. I advised him a lot and told him how gambling will destroy his life, I told him if he wants to have a bright future then he must study and I promised to support him as much as possible. My words affected him a lot, he has graduated from school and is a mechanic. If I had not advised him, he would become a gambler and may tease me and others."

 The psychiatrist says:  "As well all know that children learn and mimic what the family members do, therefore we must act carefully in front of children. Offended children suffer from low self-esteem and inferiority complex. Friends, family members, and other community members play a vital role to decrease the sense of low self-esteem through finding and promoting children's skills, improving their knowledge level and motivating them to good deeds."